CM Punk was pissed off. He wasn't exactly known for his chipper attitude but he had been carrying a sizable chip on his shoulder for the past two weeks. He was pissed at the company he worked for, pissed at this opponent and even pissed at himself. He didn't like being a challenger. In fact, he hated being in that position. Especially with Wrestle Mania looming right in the distance. There was no room for error and no room to allow outside forces to control his fate. He was taking this encounter very seriously although he would never show it. He wouldn't be CM Punk if he showed any sign of weakness or any crack in his impenetrable attitude.
CM Punk: "So I've heard some criticism lately. I was told that I had supposedly been resting on my laurels and how I didn't take my title defense against Christian seriously. And to those accusations I say.."
He was seated in a steel chair within his locker room and looked like some kind of prize fighter. Shaved head lowered, black hoody and shorts and taped up fists. The lighting was dim. The former champ looked down on his luck. But everyone knows that luck is for losers..
CM Punk: "..you're god damn right I didn't take Christian seriously! I still don't. But wait. Let me explain to you with pin-point accuracy the reasons WHY I feel this way. Let's compare the last few months between myself and Christian. Starting with me.
..Won the World Title in an elimination Chamber match against the top talent in the company. Just a little tidbit in that match. My pod opened first. I wrestled the ENTIRE match.
..Title defense against AJ Styles, a former World Champion and Royal Rumble winner.
..Title defense against Ted DiBiase, a former World Champion and the longest reigning champion in EBWF history. Oh and it was also in a Three Stages of Hell match, ya know, no big deal.
..Title defense against HHH in a Hell in a Cell. Do I really need to list everything HHH has done in his career? Didn't think so.
..Title defense against Raven, a certifiable EBWF Hall-Of-Famer, multiple time World Champion, all around evil bastard.
..Title defense against The Rock. Despite my overwhelming dislike for the guy, he's done a lot in the wrestling business, is a house hold name and has won all sorts of championships. I also hurt him so badly that he no longer even works for this company any more.
Now, let's go ahead and see how I stack up with Christian. Let me detail for you everything he's done during that time period. Ya see, first he.."
Punk pauses. Like a frozen statue. He clenches a fist as if trying to snatch an idea with a look of deep thought upon his face. He opens his mouth to speak but begins to scratch at his chin while his eyes narrow in comtemplation.
CM Punk: "Ah. Well. To be honest, Christian didn't really do shit. He FAILED at winning the tag team titles with Rhino who then promptly kicked the living the hell out of him. ..Err..hey! He was the FIRST man eliminated in the Royal Rumble. Kinda of weird considering how much he's gone on about how hungry he is and how he deserves the spotlight. Would have figured that someone so determined would have put up more of a fight. Do ya see where I'm going with this?"
A finger began to tap at the lens of the camera that was filming the Second City Saint.
CM Punk: "Christian didn't earn that title shot. He didn't deserve it. He didn't do anything spectacular or even noteworthy to get that opportunity. It was handed to him when the fact of the matter is he wasn't even in contention for ANY title. Let alone mine. And how he won it?"
Punk exhaled deeply and rubbed a pair of fingers along the side of his forehead in aggravation.
CM Punk: "It's allowed me to come to the conclusion that Christian isn't really a man. He was content with that kind of victory. A victory where my shoulders were very clearly not on the mat. It wasn't decisive. I would not accept a win like that, love me or hate me. He didn't use any kind of skill to get his two count but that didn't stop him from celebrating like he had just won the Superbowl, The Stanley Cup and the World Series all at once. I've seem him on his little twitter..'I'm the champion! I'm the champion! I'm the champion!'"
Punk drove home his mockery of the Canadian by jumping up and down with his fists clenched like some petulant grade schooler before glowering in anger.
CM Punk: "Just..pathetic. I hope when I'm in the twilight of my career that I don't become so desperate and hopeless. And I've seen Christian pick up the slogan of 'I Screwed Punk'. He also claimed that he out-smarted me. Let's a pretty interesting boast considering that Chris Jericho's incompetent, mouth breathing referee did all of the ground work and Christian was just the wrong guy at the right time. Ah. Another thing? Christian has claimed that provoking Chris Jericho, my 'boss', isn't a wise idea. I'm beginning to wonder if he's all that familiar with me. I will provoke whoever I feel like it. I will smack the taste out of Jericho's mouth, push him down a flight of steps and record the vocals for the next Fozzy album. And he will smile and take it. If I see fit, I'll drag the entire board of directors down to the ring, line them up, and force them to recite the lyrics to my entrance theme WHILE I beat their asses. Hell, if WES IKEDA has a problem when he comes back I'll take one of his cheesy little acoustic guitars and play a tune all over his face with it. That is what I do, it's what I've always done and it's what I will continue to do."
After that tangent, Punk set his focus solely back upon his opponent: Christian.
CM Punk: "But wait! That's not the most delusional thing Christian has said lately. He's said, and I quote, 'I don't need my A-Game to beat Punk. I don't need to pull out all the stops.'"
He tries to remain grim and serious but a grin begins to crack before he bursts into loud, exaggerated laughter.
CM Punk: "Seriously! Those words came from his mouth! This man's every living moment is in a complete fantasy"
Punk folds his hands together in a pleading manner and places them right over his heart.
CM Punk: "PLEASE let him come into this match with mind-set! I'm begging. That will make his crushing defeat so much more satisfying. I need to something huge to erase the memory of 'Christian - World Champion in 2013' from the face of the Earth. I think a three minute extended squash match would really do the trick.
He pretends to wipe a tear away from his eye from the gut-buster of a joke he felt Christian had told.
CM Punk: "Because this situation needs to be rectified and swept under the rug. Quickly. I'm not going to let a guy who has willingly in the past referred to himself a 'Creepy Little Bastard' represent this company.'
Punk's face becomes as close to a "WTF" internet reaction meme as a human could possibly muster.
CM Punk: "WHO would call themselves that unless their gimmick was 'SERIAL RAPIST'? It's like if I started to call myself the "Unwashed Foul Pervert." I'm supposed to take the challenge of a guy who can't even come up with a decent wrestling nickname for himself seriously? Not even that but a guy who quite possibly picked the worst one of all time?!"
Both confusion and disgust make up his expression before he has the camera zoom in nice and close.
CM Punk: "Fun games aside..I'm leaving that arena with my World Title. I'm main eventing Wrestle Mania. I lost that title on a technicality. There is no way in hell I'm letting Christian take that spot that I fought tooth and nail for months to have. I'm not letting the coward have what is rightfully mine. I was a victim of circumstance. And if Christian had acted as if he had a pair between his legs and said 'Ya know? I don't want a World Title this way.' maybe I wouldn't despise that little worm so much. Honestly, he would have had my respect and I don't respect anyone. But he did the opposite and now everyone can see the kind of human being he is. And that's fine. They say absolute power corrupts absolutely but he hasn't had enough to know what it's like and he's already let it go to his head. Allow me to bring him crashing back down to Earth."
His tone took an overly condscending and sarcastic pitch.
CM Punk: "Christian is the spotlight? Well, he had better hold onto every last bit of it that he can because after Warfare it's all going to be gone. He went on his twitter, as he's been prone to do lately, and said 'pipe bombs are overrated' so allow me to toss one right in his face. Do you know that there is a new way to spell transitional? It's C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. And do you know why I'm getting my rematch so quickly and so soon? It's not only because of the monumental screw job that took place. By this company that I bring in so much revenue for, for this company that I break my body for. It's because Christian, Jay, main-eventing Wrestle Mania in 2013, against any opponent on the planet would be a failure. Mark my words..if somehow, Andre The Giant rose from his grave and was reanimated and put into a ring with Christian at 'Mania..it still wouldn't draw a dime. I'll tell Christian what someone told me what I got my first week long title reign. Something that motivated me to become the Best in the World.."
Punk's grin grew a little wider as he recalled the exact phrase.
CM Punk: "Christian will never main event in any arena, in any part of the world, on any card that I'm on. Ever."
The scene faded with those final words.
